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blind
When somebody whos deeply in love with you tells you that youre cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. Thats true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!
Robbery
Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!
Married couple and the fairy
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.
The wife answered, Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.
The fairy waved her magic wand and poof! two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
Im sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!... the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember.... fairies are female too!
Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the days route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldnt get out of her room. "You cant get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says Do Not Disturb!"
sardar shopping
One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar.
His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.
It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.
sardar in cyber
Once sardarji entered a cybercafe to check his mails.It was crowded so he had to wait.As he waited he saw a man checking his mails.He stood behind him and watched.The man typed his password and was waiting when sardarji cried out "Yes yes I know your password.I can read your mails now.
"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".
Sardarji replied " Five stars."
A man from a city went to visit his friend in the country side. The moment he stepped out of his car he began to sniff the air. ‘Yuck! What a strong smell! What is it?’
‘Must be the fresh air.’ Said his cousin.
‘That sure is some strong smell,’ replies the city bred guy.
A man patented a remedy for getting rid of mosquitoes and charged Rs.50 per bottle. The bottle had a black liquid in it and he made a lot of money selling it. One man asked him how the remedy worked, ‘Just catch the mosquito, tickle it, when it begins to laugh pour the liquid down its throat.’
Why did the moron put his head into the waste paper basket?
Because he wanted to throw it away as garbage.
Whats a monkeys favourite drink?
A: Orange Tang.
Whats a monkeys favourite fruit?
A: Apericots.
Where do you put a noisy dog?
A: In a barking lot.
What do you call a bear with no socks?
A: Barefoot.
A sloth went out for a walk when he was robbed by four snails. After recovering his wits, he went to the police station. "Can you describe the snails?" asked the officer. "Not well, it all happened so fast," replied the sloth.
Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?
Because turtles have such tiny ears.
Why do elephants never forget?
Because nobody ever tells them anything
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duckumentaries
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig
Why dont bats live alone?
They like to hang around with their friends
What did the duck say when hed finished shopping?
Put it on my bill please
Why are giraffes so slow to apologise?
It takes them a long time to swallow their pride
How does a flea get from place to place?
By itchhiking.
We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon, a larger worm that gives more silk.
A frog wanted to find out whether he would meet a princess and turn into a prince charming. So he telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Two cockroaches were having a discussion while munching on garbage in a dustbin when one began discussing about a new restaurant.
"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "Its so clean!
The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt
Anywhere, its so hygienic and the whole place shines."
"Please," said the other cockroach frowning. "Not while Im eating! The thought of it makes me sick."
Two vampire bats woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.
"Lets fly out of the cave and get some blood" said one.
"Were new here," said the second one. "Its dark out there, and we dont know where to look. Wed better go with the others."
The first bat replied, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." So saying he flew out of the cave. When he returned, he is covered with blood.
The second bat said excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat took his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the
night, he said, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didnt."
While returning from work on foggy evening in Delhi, Ram saw that the buses were crawling slowing down the road. He decided to walk along behind the bus, just following it, till he got home. Very content he told his wife, ‘I saved Rs.3 today as I followed the bus and did not board it’.
‘you could have saved Rs. 30 if you had followed a taxi’, she retorted.
Hari was very happy watching the animals at the zoo and begged his parents to buy him one. ‘How will we feed him’, said his father. "Lets buy on with a no feeding sign on it", said Hari.
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